Musings

Bikram - Imagine the temperature of a Bikram yoga studio. Then imagine it is 10 degrees warmer. Then imagine living and working in that yoga studio for 8 months.

The Wet Blanket - Technique recommended by many PCVs. You soak your sheet in a bucket of water right before bed the wrap yourself up like a burrito and attempt to fall asleep semi-cool. I haven't tried it yet but it is getting to that point.

Obama - I held a ceremony presenting my community garden with tools from my grant and told them how the funding came from Obama's Food Security Initiative. We all said " A Baraka Obama " which means Thank you Obama, but sounds like Barack Obama. It made me smile.

Community Garden Ceremony

Violence - It is overwhelming. Always dancing on the line between playful and malicious. My brother punches my sister, they laugh. My sister kicks him in the ribs, they cry. Violence is the answer. My mother slaps both of them for fighting, they cry. My uncle greets my sister with a punch in the back, they laugh. My mother throws a shoe at my brother's head for not listening, they cry. It is constant. It is ubiquitous. Sometimes it is too much for me to handle and I have to get up and walk away. Sometimes I am shocked at how used to it I have become. Although this casual violence is pervasive throughout Senegal, I know that it is by no means limited to this country. I am lucky to have experienced so little violence in my childhood and I thank my family for the way I was raised.

#1 - I avoid peeing between the hours of 10am and 4pm because it is so cumbersome to peel off my sticky pants and squat as the sun beats down on my back that I'd rather hold it. I basically sweat out all the water I drink immediately anyways so it usually works out!

Sweat. Eat Mangoes. Repeat.

Sand Stormz - Perks of living in the Sahel! Before today I thought I had experienced 4 or 5 real sand storms. I was wrong. Today I was seriously close to calling our Safety and Security officer and telling him that there is a natural disaster going on in southern Senegal, but instead I texted an older volunteer and she said - this is normal - welcome to rainy season! The storm was rain free this time, but complete with menacing dust tornadoes and flying objects. My large wood fence pole fell over and cracked my shower bucket in half and my brothers thatched roof flew off into my backyard and crushed the tent I sleep in (don't worry, it survived!). My cat and I sat in the middle of my bed under a towel for about 45 minutes until the storm died down. When we emerged from the towel, EVERYTHING inside my hut was covered in a thick layer of dirty sand. As I have mentioned before, it is hard to imagine feeling clean again.

My ladies in the garden.

Point of View - I often feel like I am outside of my body looking in on this experience. Sometimes I am my old self looking at me living in a hut in a village without showers, electricity, or take-out, and I feel like I am accomplishing something real. Sometimes I am a member of my host family or village and I see myself laying on my foam mattress in my own hut reading my kindle, and I feel a bit guilty. While I am trying to "get through" these two years, my family knows nothing different. What's more, the life I live with my own bed and latrine, the ability to travel around Senegal, buy mangoes whenever I feel like it, and even talk on the phone with my friends in other parts of Senegal, is luxurious and even borderline extravagant. No one in my family has ever or will ever have their own rooms. My siblings literally sleep 4 to a mat on the hard floor. It is crazy to feel like I am this resilient volunteer surviving nearly unbearable living conditions, and on the other hand probably be the most comfortable person in my village.
But I wouldn't say I feel sorry for them either. People here are just as happy, just as depressed, have problems and joys, love and hurt, just like people in the U.S. It is all about point of view. I grapple with perspective when this journey becomes the toughest, but ultimately I know I will carry this with me for the rest of my life, and that helps me continue day to day.

I like to look at this quote when I'm feeling a little down:

"Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and stars; you have a right to be here and whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should"

- Desiderata - Left to me by the awesome Nicky Ulrich 

(google the whole quote if you're interested, it is very nice)